One day I woke up, and everyone looked like dogs. All kinds of dogs. Pugs, beagles, labs, scotties, the works. Everyone kept acting the same, and after a few screaming FoxNews Alert! panics in the media (Bill O’Reilly = sheepdog), everyone just sort of settled in.

I look like a pug. Pugs fall into the sort of so-ugly-its-cute class; I thought so, anyway. Now, of course, I think pugs are the Denzel Washingtons of the dog world…lucky me, huh?

My wife ended up as a cocker spaniel. Lots to be said for that; remember “Lady” in “Lady and the Tramp”? She was hot, right? Well, at least she didn’t end up as a Puli or something weird like that.

It also turned out good because I work for the company that makes those plastic brushes you see in every grocery, 7-11, and drug store. Everybody needs more brushes now, and they wear out faster. My 401K went through the freaking roof, no kidding, since the company’s stock shot up with all this huge sales volume.

I didn’t tell you what happened to the dogs…