Idiosyncrasies of the Morning Meal

After limping downstairs, sore from my morning excerise routine, I arrive in the kitchen. First, check the pantry. Raisin Bran, whole wheat bread, granola, protein bars? Where the hell is the good crap? Fruit Hoops? Lucky Spells? Jump Tarts? You know, the usual?

Alright! Going for the freezer! Ahah! a note upon the door! “Need more frozen waffles!” What? What is that supposed to mean? Where’d they go? I better look just to make sure. Ohno! There’s a hole in the freezer (and my stomach) where the waffles once were!

Last resort: the fridge! Okay, everything’s gonna be okay. I’ll just pour myself a nice tall glass of milk. Just as I begin to pour the milk… Holy hand grenades! Where is the chocolate sauce? Everyone knows you can’t drink milk without chocolate sauce! Well, that’s 8 ounces of milk down the drain.

Does anyone still believe there’s hope? Of course not! Well, it looks like I’m having leftover pot roast for breakfast… again.

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