ehh. this is juuuuuuust an option.

you used suicidal twice in like 3 sentences. try for more variety in phrasing. i like that you get one shot at The Smoke, and that the main is gutsy enough to go for it. those are the best kind

hunnnnnnn. you might wanna learn how to count. i used suicidal twice. IN DIFFERENT SENT . :]] and it kinda needs to appear again and again. because he would be walking intohis own death! thanks anyways.:]