Part of the problem lies with availability. I mean, how many virgin women are there these days?

I could go for the younger ones of course, the teenagers, perhaps even pre-teens and babes. But, darn it, they’re only a nibble. I don’t need a snack, I need a full blown meal and, Hell, there ain’t a lot of them walking around.

I’ve tried everywhere.

African’s are too chewy and stringy; folk in the Middle East blow up when I eat them. Europeans aren’t much better, being all oily and greasy. Eating a good French woman is akin to drinking garlic flavored olive oil and so very few are virgins. Doesn’t settle too well on the stomach, these non-virgins.

I tried sticking with vegetarians for a while, but all those beans gave me chronic gas. Had to evacuate the cave for a couple months to let it air out.

I guess I’m going to have to give up the diet for now. Ah, sorry about that, that’s just my stomach rumbling.

Now, tell me about yourself. How did you find this cave?

Are you a virgin by any chance?