Forgetting to Forget

I sat on the bench, completely alone, taking deep breaths to steady myself. My heart stopped short when i saw him coming, perfect in every way.He sat on the bench, looking concerned. I tried to imagine what my face looked like. . I was detatched from my body, connected with my feelings. My nerves felt like they were ready to explode.

“You came,” I said flatly. I knew he would. I’d been ignoring him, and I knew it would hurt him. I just thought it would stop the hurt in me. . “Of course I came,” he said. He smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He didn’t quite trust me, I realized. He never thought I’d be the one to abandon him.
“I didn’t mean to,” I said. “Didn’t mean to what?” he asked gently. “I didn’t mean to abandon you,” I said. I expected him to say, “That’s okay,” but he didn’t. “Then why did you?” he asked. “I wanted to stop the hurt. I needed to stop the hurt. I thought…maybe…forgetting about you….would help that,” I said. Tears perched on my lids and threatened to spill over.

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