Then Landon discovered that this was all a daydream and in reality he was the assistant manager at McDonald’s.

When he awoke, his head was in the fry cooker, and that’s when he noticed the immense and insurmountable pain. He screamed, but no one could hear him. The buzzing of microwaves and the sizzling of burgers cooking on the open, greasy grill drowned out his high-pitched girlyman scream. No one was there to help him. No one but God…and frankly he didn’t believe in that sumbitch anyway so it was really just him.

The pain overwhelmed him and he realized he was about to pass out when he realized a fundamental answer to an even more fundamental question: pain was just a result of neuronal firings. If he could conquer his electric current, he could conquer anything. It was all about the neurons.

So he said to the neurons, “fuck you” and walked away.

Then he awoke to see Michael Jackson standing over him. If there was one thing he couldn’t conquer, it was Michael Jackson.