1,025 characters.

1,025 characters!

What am I to do?

Let’s… revise.

Aha, it says “large.” Well that’s extraneous. Backspace, five times. Six for that extra space. 1,019 characters.

Aww, crap. It just doesn’t have the same oomph without “large.” I need an adjective.

“Big.”

Come on, uselessness, what kind of lame adjective is that? This isn’t middle school.

“Huge.”

No, that doesn’t flow at all. Crap crap crap.

I’ve got it. “Enormous.” It’s perfect! So much better than—what did I have in there before? Oh yeah—“large.” A masterpiece.

1,028 characters.

Well that was a step in the wrong direction.

What the heck am I supposed to do now? One thing’s for sure: I’m not getting rid of “enormous.”

Hmm, there’s always “vessel.” How did that even get in there, anyway? I hate that word. It’s gone. And we’ll go with… “boat.” Much better.

1,026 characters.

Crap.

OK, so… “couch” becomes “sofa” in paragraphs one and three. Both places? Sure.

“Sofa?” Ugh.

OK, fine, “sofa.” I can deal.

Ah… sweet nirvana.