Ficlets

Desperate For Attention

“I refuse to be ignored!” shouted the man with the long, drawn-out face. His greasy, clogged-up hair cascaded down his face with all the charm and elegance of an unkempt animal. His disheveled appearance served only to reinforce the threatening tone of his interjection.

“You told me someone would be with me in five minutes! You promised me!”

“Sir, we are very busy today and I’m afraid you will have to wait your turn like everybody else.”

The till attendant was starting to become rather irked by the impatience of certain customers.

“I’m not like everybody else! I demand to be seen to! I refuse to be ignored!”

He reached for his inside jacket pocket as he maintained his deathly grip of eye contact with the attendant. She sensed a burning passion; a desperation in his eyes. For a moment, perhaps, she sensed power and satisfaction.

The shot rang out and the attendant slumped to the floor. A pool of blood formed around her, seeping from her head; symbolic of her short, unfulfilled life ebbing away.

Comments

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Desperate For Attention
Adam Croft
Posted 4 months ago

Well, this is my first ficlet! I’m not an experienced fiction writer, but it’s something I’ve always had a burning desire to do.

This ficlet was written straight from beginning to end. The idea came to me, and I put it down as it was. My interpretation is that the main character suffers from some sort of intense attention defecit disorder – perhaps some sort of childhood dysfunction.

Please feel free to continue this ficlet with a sequel. It’d be great to hear your comments and interpretations.
Desperate For Attention
Ben Paddon
Posted 4 months ago

An ad for the self-checkout tills if I ever saw one. Great stuff – it’s very easy to visualise this scenario.
Desperate For Attention
Melia
Posted 4 months ago

Congratulations on your first Ficlet! And welcome! I liked your description of the man which really gave him an unsettling air. Well done!
LoA
Desperate For Attention
Blusparrow
Posted 4 months ago

This is really good! I can feel his anger and the very uneasy sense. Welcome to Ficlets! =D
Desperate For Attention
OrangeOreos
Posted 4 months ago

I like this. You can feel that there’s something more to him then meets the eye!
Desperate For Attention
Adam Croft
Posted 4 months ago

Did shooting the shop assistant in the head give it away? :-)
Desperate For Attention
THX 0477
Posted 4 months ago

Brutal and disturbing. And both feet, all in, no holds barred, enthusiastic start to ficleting! Good for you and welcome.
LoA
Desperate For Attention
THX 0477
Posted 4 months ago

I couldn’t help but picture the scene, which led to a sequel. I wasn’t sure what kind of shop you were picturing, so I went with a WalMart sort of possibility.
Desperate For Attention
paper flowers
Posted 4 months ago

Welcome, and congrats on your first ficlet! It was very interesting, and left me wanting more.
LoA
Desperate For Attention
SKermitgorf
Posted 4 months ago

descriptive, distrubing and action packed, loved it from start to finish welcome to ficlets. started out on a hig note there Adam!
LoA
Desperate For Attention
Geek Mythology
Posted 4 months ago

As a shop assistant, I can certainly say that this sort of thing does actually happen and I was definately able to relate to it.

Apart from the gun part that is . . .
Desperate For Attention
thebetweenspace
Posted 4 months ago

A fantastic, gripping story. I can’t wait for the sequel.
Desperate For Attention
Music-Hearted
Posted 4 months ago

The thrillerish feeling of this is awesome- it keeps you on the edge of your seat and leaves you a little bit disturbed. I’m impressed.
LoA
Desperate For Attention
Saint Chuck
Posted 4 months ago

Great first ficlet, and may I say welcome from all of us?
LoA