Ficlets

To Be Touched by a Stranger

The man crumpled to the floor in an awkward heap, his weapon spinning slowly across the linoleum floor of the store. The screams slowly died out as people realized that the danger had passed. Soon the only sounds to be heard were the sirens growing ever closer. David wiped his bloody hand, cut from the vase, on his jeans and walked slowly over to the woman. She groaned slighlty as he touched her arm. She wasn’t dead, but would be soon if the bleeding wasn’t stopped. He took of his shirt and pressed it gently to the wound. He looked around pleadingly, begging silently for help. An employee came to his aid and duct taped the man, who was still unconcious.

The paramedics burst in, stirring life back into the scene. The woman was quickly loaded onto a stretcher, David’s shirt was left laying on the floor. And for the first time in his life, David began to cry. He didn’t know why. He didn’t cry as his mother died, but this women, this complete stranger, touched him in a way he didn’t quite understand.

Comments

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To Be Touched by a Stranger
THX 0477
Posted 7 months ago

Wow, you took that in a totally unexpected direction. I can really feel the sense of derealization and kind of shocked stupor that everyone was in, including my impromptu hero. Very deep reaction you’ve described as well, not at all the rote, expected action-movie stuff.
LoA
p.s. you’ve got the victim as ‘women’ twice instead of ‘woman’—still a rocking awesome ficlet.
To Be Touched by a Stranger
Saint Chuck
Posted 7 months ago

Oof I guess my grammar is a bit off since I’ve been talking/writing/living German. Ah well, noted and edited, thanks.
To Be Touched by a Stranger
Adam Croft
Posted 7 months ago

Excellent! Real, evocative stuff which focuses on the emotions of the characters. It’s really fascinating to see how other people interpret my writing and where they take it – thanks :-)
To Be Touched by a Stranger
Blossom Ruoqen
Posted 7 months ago

He took off his shirt. Ooh la la! lol just kidding. I agree with thx too: a completely different feel than a hollywood action…more feeling, and easier to relate to. That’s VERY good :D
To Be Touched by a Stranger
SKermitgorf
Posted 7 months ago

Raw emotion, heroic.. paced well and highly believeable.. situation was tense and gripping. great sequel.
LoA
To Be Touched by a Stranger
Stovohobo
Posted 7 months ago

Daaang…I just think I’ll have to go to the beginning of this series.
To Be Touched by a Stranger
paper flowers
Posted 7 months ago

Another totally awesome sequel to a great series!
To Be Touched by a Stranger
THX 0477
Posted 7 months ago

Now that’s the mark of a great sequel, when it makes someone want to jump back to where the fun started. Well done!
To Be Touched by a Stranger
Saint Chuck
Posted 7 months ago

Aw thanks guys, all these comments have really made my crappy week a whole lot better. =)
To Be Touched by a Stranger
THX 0477
Posted 7 months ago

Sequel done. I was being all serious, but couldn’t resist throwing in the ‘awesome’. I hope it didn’t ruin the whole piece.
LoA
To Be Touched by a Stranger
J.B. Williams
Posted 6 months ago

Wow. Really good ficlet.