Möbius Strip: The Prayer Wheel

by KevMullins

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Quiet she thought. Too quiet, dead quiet. Unnerving, dead quiet for a dead world. No people, no animals, nothing living save the lush plant life and occasional rustling of the wind through the trees. Holy silence broken only by the thunder of their footsteps echoing off the lonely walls of this dead, deserted city. Collatta had become a tomb and this city, a vast necropolis.

The wind whipped up little clouds of dust and leaves as Eric and Dreanna continued to follow the endless trail of bodies past empty shops and abandoned vehicles. Eventually they reached a clearing.

“This is it, city center.” Eric said.

What awaited them was a sight that stopped even the demigod in his tracks. The bodies were no longer randomly placed but lay prone, as if in prayer,in an elaborate pattern round a large black obelisk at city center.

As the pair entered the center, a form flickered into existence before the great obelisk, her eyes lifting to gaze upon them.

“Greetings!” the Avatar replied.

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Comments

Average Reader Rating: 5.0 stars out of 5

  1. Möbius Strip: The Prayer Wheel

    John Perkins' Buddy Icon John Perkins

    Posted 6 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Very nice. Good description of the town leading up to the ominous obelisk.
    You did misspell “quiet” 4 out of 4 times in the first three sentences though. =P

  2. Möbius Strip: The Prayer Wheel

    KevMullins' Buddy Icon KevMullins

    Posted 6 months ago

    Grrrr! When I start misspelling something I get “consistent” and its usually: a) something simple b) always the same.

    Thanks John :)

  3. Möbius Strip: The Prayer Wheel

    Browncoatben's Buddy Icon Browncoatben

    Posted 6 months ago

    “Collatta had become a tomb and this city, a vast necropolis.”

    I tend to appreciate those stand-out lines in literature a bit too much. This is one of your great lines, Kev.

  4. Möbius Strip: The Prayer Wheel

    KevMullins' Buddy Icon KevMullins

    Posted 6 months ago

    Thanks Ben!
    I have to admit though, that line came as a afterthought to the first paragraph. It just “felt” like it needed to be there, LOL .

  5. Möbius Strip: The Prayer Wheel

    JLaughter's Buddy Icon JLaughter

    Posted 6 months ago

    I’m with Ben on that particular sentence. It really stands out…and the really good ones usually are just something you tack on at the end. Also, I’m with John on the descriptions. You really do a good job setting the mood of the “dead” city.

  6. Möbius Strip: The Prayer Wheel

    thebetweenspace's Buddy Icon thebetweenspace

    Posted 6 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Great pace and well described. You’ve maintained the intrigue of the first couple segments of the story very well and without using any gimmicks or unnecessary twists and turns.

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