Final Concerto: Out-of-Order Challenge

by THX 0477

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Her eyes. Forget what she said. Her eyes said everything. They always did, from the first time we met to presumably her last dying breath. I should be so lucky.

The sterile environment cast its sickly glow upon her as she walked, one leg mincing in front of the other as she came. She was so demure, so refined, so ill-suited to this place, this habitation of dregs and miscreants.

I don’t know what I expected. I suppose I’ve always been a hopeless romantic. That’s what most people say about me, I believe. But she sat across the plexiglass from me, and I saw the fight behind her eyes, a concerto of sorrow, recrimination, and hesitation.

I did not see hope in her eyes..

I did not see love in her eyes.

Her hand, so fluid and graceful, picked up the cold, black receiver on her side. Of course, I’d had mine plastered to my sweating face for an eternity. She would speak, her eyes seemed to indicate. I would not like the words. They would not be kind. Her eyes warned me.

Damn her eyes.

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Comments

Average Reader Rating: 5.0 stars out of 5

  1. Final Concerto: Out-of-Order Challenge

    Browncoatben's Buddy Icon Browncoatben

    Posted 3 months ago

    Wow…The imagery and language is so tangible here.

    I love the sense of loathing and pessimism coming out of our narrator. Great emotion in this piece.

  2. Final Concerto: Out-of-Order Challenge

    YodaOnCrack's Buddy Icon YodaOnCrack

    Posted 3 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Excellent 1st person POV – something you always seem to have a knack for… A well painted image with great visuals to compliment as well…

  3. Final Concerto: Out-of-Order Challenge

    Ana Cristina's Buddy Icon Ana Cristina

    Posted 3 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Magnificent story, very well told and I think if it had been in chronological order, it would not have the same effect. You knocked this challenge out of the ballpark, my friend.
    LoA

  4. Final Concerto: Out-of-Order Challenge

    thebetweenspace's Buddy Icon thebetweenspace

    Posted 3 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Awesomeness. Great, well told story.

  5. Final Concerto: Out-of-Order Challenge

    Trann's Buddy Icon Trann

    Posted 3 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Wow. You need help. Or a publisher.

  6. Final Concerto: Out-of-Order Challenge

    THX 0477's Buddy Icon THX 0477

    Posted 3 months ago

    Thanks for the comments. And to answer Trann’s comment, yes, I’m currently for both professional help and a publisher (or at least a literary agent).

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