Ficlets

Sign In | Blog | Help

Comments

Average Reader Rating:

1. Bagman: Hot Pickup

   JLaughter

   Posted 4 months ago

   There we go, back into the real meat of the story. And the pilot’s name is finally revealed…don’t know why I didn’t before. Probably because I couldn’t think of one. Kent. Real original. Imaginative. Anyway, the series should pick up again…I’m starting to get a real direction in my mind.

2. Bagman: Hot Pickup

   Amo de Tuus Aetas et Mors

   Posted 4 months ago

   Nice, man. It seems sort of like an anime, spread out over episodes, especially with the multiple viewpoints… which I like. a lot.

   You’ve inspired me to write cyberpunk again, dude. :D

3. Bagman: Hot Pickup

   John Perkins

   Posted 4 months ago

   

   I like the idea of moving between characters, and now that I know it’s what you’re doing I’m having an easier time following along.
   One thing. I think “I grit my teeth” is present tense, and the rest of the story is in past tense. I don’t think “gritted” sounds right either. Not sure what you can do, but it definitely feels like a tense switch.

4. Bagman: Hot Pickup

   JLaughter

   Posted 4 months ago

   I struggled with that too: grit/gritted. It was late, I’ll probably just change the line.

   And I’m hella glad to inspire, Amo, thanks for the comment! Keep up!

   And yeah, so far we have 3 character view-points. Benny the Bagman, Kent the pilot, and the as-yet-unnamed netrunner/decker. Browncoatben has expressed that he likes “Red” too, and is interested in her, but I think that’s just cuz she’s redheaded and has jubblies. Either way, she might become a major part in the story too.

5. Bagman: Hot Pickup

   John Perkins

   Posted 4 months ago

   

   She seems like a potential love interest for your unnamed protagonist. For some reason, I don’t get the feeling Benny is interested in relationships.

6. Bagman: Hot Pickup

   Browncoatben

   Posted 4 months ago

   

   hey…keep your protagonist off my jubblies! Those are my jubblies!

   Nice piece, THAT Guy!

7. Bagman: Hot Pickup

   KevMullins

   Posted 4 months ago

   

   I agree with John, I’m use to the multiple viewpoints and it does make the story easier to follow.

Want to comment on this ficlet? You need to sign in!

Inspired by

• The best of us, we’re not anything but a freak of genetics. I like to think of it as a kind of reversed ADHD. Me, I can pay t…

  A sequel to Bagman: Reverse ADHD

This story's tags

av, chip, chrome, coke, cyberpunk, decker, flight, guns, ice, illegal, interactive, lowlight, metal, net, news, nirvana, red, reporters