Nosepickers Anonymous

by uselessness

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“My name is Cal, and I’m a Picker.”

“Hi, Cal.” The group chanted in unison.

Mrs. Juniper smiled with lipstick and coffee teeth. “Now Cal, why don’t you tell us your story? When did you first discover you were a Picker?”

“Um, I don’t know.” Cal stared at his shoelaces. “Sorry, I’m a little bit nervous…”

“It’s alright, we’re all friends here.”

“I guess… I guess it was about two years ago. I had been picking so long I didn’t really notice it, I had a system down, sort of an art. I guess that sounds silly.”

“No, it doesn’t sound silly at all.” Mrs. Juniper set her nail file in her lap and reached over to Cal’s hand reassuringly. “We all have systems, don’t we?”

“Yes,” chanted the group.

“Mine’s called the Shoulder Glance Pinky Twist,” volunteered the man in the floral print shirt.

“Shh, Harvey, wait your turn,” said Mrs. Juniper, her left index finger drifting idly toward her nostril.

“Anyway, my wife and my mom, they… they staged an intervention. They said everyone knew, I mean everyone! …I need help.”

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Comments

Average Reader Rating: 5.0 stars out of 5

  1. Nosepickers Anonymous

    thebetweenspace's Buddy Icon thebetweenspace

    Posted 4 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    “We all have systems, don’t we?” “Mine’s called the Shoulder Glance Pinky Twist,” volunteered the man in the floral print shirt. Hilarious.

  2. Nosepickers Anonymous

    JMSquire's Buddy Icon JMSquire

    Posted 4 months ago

    Unique and funny! The fact that the guys family staged an intervention, to me, was the funniest part.

  3. Nosepickers Anonymous

    SKermitgorf's Buddy Icon SKermitgorf

    Posted 4 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    A picker, lol, theres the car-pickers that think they arent seen, and the wipers the worst of all> the flickers, hysterical

  4. Nosepickers Anonymous

    uselessness' Buddy Icon uselessness

    Posted 4 months ago

    Don’t forget about the eaters! ;-)
    LoA

  5. Nosepickers Anonymous

    PyroPunk 51 (PPP LoA)'s Buddy Icon PyroPunk 51 (PPP LoA)

    Posted 4 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    “Pick, pick, pick your nose, but don’t wipe it on your clothes. Pick, pick, pick your nose. Pick your nose and eat it.” – Peter and the test tube babies.
    LoA

  6. Nosepickers Anonymous

    judee4u2's Buddy Icon judee4u2

    Posted 4 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    LOL Funny! This past weekend 7 of us took a motorcycle trip. We rode through a little town called “Booger Hollow”. Some people were taking a picture of their group in front of the sign and all were “picking”! I wanted a picture like that of our group but I could never get them to pose for it. I guess they are all “closet pickers!” LOL Great story – I love it!

  7. Nosepickers Anonymous

    Stovohobo's Buddy Icon Stovohobo

    Posted 4 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Hilarious story, and a great play on those anonymous meetings. My favorite lines were “lipstick and coffee teeth” and, of course, “Mine’s called the Shoulder Glance Pinky Twist,” volunteered the man in the floral print shirt.”

  8. Nosepickers Anonymous

    Hunting Beauty's Buddy Icon Hunting Beauty

    Posted 4 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Hahahaha….you really did a good job on this one. Funny stuff. I liked it all…can’t really pick a fav part very easily.

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