Positive ID

by Mistress Elsha Hawk

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The phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Mr. Gosnell?”
“Yes.”
“This is Mercy General. I’m calling in regards to your daughter, Leslie Gosnell.”
“What’s happened?!”
“Well, sir she was in a car accident and has been admitted here. I’m afraid she was DOA .”
....
“I’ll need you to come identify the body.”
....
“Sir? I’m very sorry.”
Sobs.
Click

Mr. and Mrs. Gosnell look with red-rimmed eyes at the swollen and mangled brunette flat on the cold steel table. Her eyes and cheeks are swollen, her face bruised and cut, and one arm missing.

“It’s so hard to tell. I just can’t believe that is our little Leslie!” Mrs. Gosnell breaks into uncontrollable weeping.

“She had a birthmark. On the inside of her elbow, a tan sort of splotch,” offered Mr. Gosnell, “But with her arm…”

“Mr. and Mrs. Gosnell, I need a positive ID. Is this your daughter?” pushed the coroner.

“I think so….What do you think, hon?” Mr. Gosnell effectively shoved the burden onto his wife.
“Yes. It’s her.” Mrs. Gosnell decided it was time to accept the truth.

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Comments

Average Reader Rating: 5.0 stars out of 5

  1. Positive ID

    Apostrophe 's Buddy Icon Apostrophe

    Posted 3 months ago

    omg how tragic.. these poor people just lost thier daughter. You really feel for these people.

  2. Positive ID

    John Perkins' Buddy Icon John Perkins

    Posted 3 months ago

    That is one cold hearted operator.
    Your transition from the phone conversation to the morgue was a little too quick. Also, I might re-word that to “one arm missing.” Otherwise it almost seems as though her face is missing one arm.

  3. Positive ID

    Mistress Elsha Hawk's Buddy Icon Mistress Elsha Hawk

    Posted 3 months ago

    Thanks John!
    I fixed the sentence. Also, I’m writing this quickly, so it may be rushed as well, apologies. I’ll work on it :)

  4. Positive ID

    Ana Cristina's Buddy Icon Ana Cristina

    Posted 2 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Wow, how heartbreaking.
    I agree with John, the transition is a little abrupt. It’s hard to smooth out the transition while at the same time not sacrificing character space, but something as silly as adding the symbol
    ~
    in between the sections might help.

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