Should Have Known

by Freedom :]

I was walking home from my job at Catlett’s Coffee and Trey shows up in all his blonde-haired hotness. Whoa, that was a little much. “Hey,” he said, “can we talk?”

“It depends on what business you have talking to me.” I replied.

“See that’s the thing. Over the school year, I didn’t know you, but…”

“What? And you know me now?”

“Look Kit, I’m trying to ask you out but you’re not helping.”

I flipped my brown locks over my shoulder to be mysterious, “Oh really?”

“Yes, so will you go out with me, Saturday?”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Okay?”

“That’s what I said.”

“I don’t know, you just seem so different, a good different.” He smiled at me and I actually smiled back. “So, um I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah, okay.” I continued down the street, giggling like a little girl. But I should have known not to give my heart out so fast.

MEANWHILE , Trey whipped out his cell after I was gone. “Hey, Jack. Yeah, I got a date with her. What time are you thinking?” His smile turned into a smirk now and I…I just should have known.

Comments

Average Reader Rating: 5.0 stars out of 5

  1. Should Have Known

    Ana Cristina's Buddy Icon Ana Cristina

    Posted 3 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    I like the pauses, the little awkward moments in the dialogue because it’s very realistic. Nice job!

  2. Should Have Known

    Blusparrow's Buddy Icon Blusparrow

    Posted 3 months ago

    Oh no. I want to see what happens now!
    LoA

  3. Should Have Known

    thebetweenspace's Buddy Icon thebetweenspace

    Posted 3 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Great job! I agree with Ana Cristina about the dialogue being excellent and true to life with the pauses and natural awkwardness and such. But I think the last paragraph shows, in my opinion, one of the weaknesses of the 1st person narrative… If the narrator was gone, how exactly does she know what he said when he whipped out his phone?

  4. Should Have Known

    Freedom :]'s Buddy Icon Freedom :]

    Posted 3 months ago

    Sry, I’ll fix it.

  5. Should Have Known

    John Perkins' Buddy Icon John Perkins

    Posted 3 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    I agree with the others. Some great dialog in here.

  6. Should Have Known

    ALRO613 ♪ LoA ♫'s Buddy Icon ALRO613 ♪ LoA ♫

    Posted 3 months ago

    fantastic dialogue. I love reading dialogue that really flows – and you didn’t disappoint.
    One more thing, however..
    “What? And you know me know?”
    I believe you mean to say “now” at the end. One of those common finger-slips.

    awesome job.

  7. Should Have Known

    Freedom :]'s Buddy Icon Freedom :]

    Posted 3 months ago

    Thanks again :) I need some grammar work.

  8. Should Have Known

    Smile4life!'s Buddy Icon Smile4life!

    Posted 3 months ago

    wow this is great

  9. Should Have Known

    OrangeOreos' Buddy Icon OrangeOreos

    Posted 3 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Uh-oh.

    What’s gonna happen now?

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