Ficlets

Subway Etiquette Violations [I Smell a Winner Challenge]

“I smell a winner.” The scruffy looking man leaned rudely close to my cousin and I, utterly breaking the standard subway rules of etiquette. Then again, he didn’t look like the sort to abide by any etiquette.

“Excuse me?” my cousin snorted, curtly tucking her blond hair behind an ear, a move equally cute and adamant.

“I said, my lovely, I smell a winner.” He added an ingratiating grin, flashing teeth surprisingly white for a man decked in raggedy layers of mismatched clothes.

I stepped in, feeling every inch the protective male cousin, “Don’t ya’ think it’s a little creepy, some old dude referring to a teenage girl as ‘my lovely’, or any other little pet name?”

“A fair point, a fair point, my good lad,” he oozed, taking a graceful, bowing step backward. The few other passengers on the gently lurching train hardly seemed to notice our exchange. Such blithe obliviousness is actually an acquired skill for life in the city.

The man flashed a slightly more devilish grin, “But I still smell a winner.”

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Subway Etiquette Violations [I Smell a Winner Challenge]
Ana Cristina
Posted 2 months ago

I’m going to New York this weekend, and now I’m going to have to take taxis instead of the subway, after reading this. Great use of the “I smell a winner” line.
Subway Etiquette Violations [I Smell a Winner Challenge]
Laine the Grey
Posted 2 months ago

Nice, and good point brought out to the creeper.
Subway Etiquette Violations [I Smell a Winner Challenge]
YodaOnCrack
Posted 2 months ago

I’ve been away awhile, and I see you’ve elevated your game! Man, the more you write, the better you get. My wife’s uncle from New York is over right now. He read this and agreed with me that you have a certain writing flair that comes natural. Awesome!
Subway Etiquette Violations [I Smell a Winner Challenge]
ALRO613 ♪ LoA ♫
Posted 2 months ago

Brilliant as usual!!

_Such blithe obliviousness is actually an acquired skill for life in the city.

The man flashed a slightly more devilish grin, “But I still smell a winner_

Super-Creepy… I love it.
Subway Etiquette Violations [I Smell a Winner Challenge]
Mistress Elsha Hawk
Posted 2 months ago

okay, I’m getting off at the next stop if he doesn’t! What exactly is he smelling, I wonder? LOL ! What a weirdo! Thanks for entering, and I agree with ALRO , the line about the obliviousness being an acquired skill is the best because it’s true!
Subway Etiquette Violations [I Smell a Winner Challenge]
g2 (la pianista irlandesa)
Posted 2 months ago

Whoa! Sketchy dude on a subway! Slightly creepy, but still so brilliant!
Subway Etiquette Violations [I Smell a Winner Challenge]
Eckhouse
Posted 2 months ago

Among your best, I think. Now I can’t get “Aqualung” out of my head.
Subway Etiquette Violations [I Smell a Winner Challenge]
OrangeOreos
Posted 2 months ago

Awesome.

The mix of descriptions and action is amazing.
Subway Etiquette Violations [I Smell a Winner Challenge]
NightMaiden
Posted 2 months ago

I really liked it. Yeah, you do meet these types almost everywhere where I live…makes you think about yourself. : ) Great job.
Subway Etiquette Violations [I Smell a Winner Challenge]
Nouvelle Bardot
Posted 2 months ago

leave it to you to come up with the strange and creepy character. very average subway riding folk, i must say…