They made up some terrible rumours about me, saying that my real parents were devil worshippers who wanted nothing more than to spread the glamourous evil of Satan into their daughter.
So before I was born, they put a curse on me while I was still inside my biological mother’s belly, yet to be born.

My friends told everybody that my parents had planned to finish the Satanic ceremony after I was born,
but since I ended up to be an ugly, small, anorexic baby who was extremely retarded, they didn’t even bother and they ended up leaving me on the side of the road until some promiscuous woman came along and took me to the local bar for everyone to mess with.
They said that my father was there, making out with three other men, and he decided that he wanted another person to play with, so he took me home and “adopted” me.

This story was all a big lie, except for the bit about me being a tiny baby, which was true.

But my father told me that I was a beautiful, sweet preemie, not an ugly one.