very good! like the story and the picture and the accuracy of the story to the picture and… everything! the last paragraph does not seem to fit (although it’s an interesting paragraph) but it’s a good story nevertheless!

I totally agree with Yeah Write! This is really great!

Thanks to both. :)

Yep, Yeah Write hit it on the head. It’s a lovely piece, but that last paragraph doesn’t seem to go. You could either make it more suggestive of things to follow or maybe work a mention of the mother into the first or second paragraphs.

I took your suggestions and did some tweaking. Let me know what you think!

Ooo! I quite like it. It ties in very nicely to the image. Great job.

I think it works very well with the image, and opens up a lot of possibilities for Ficlets.