For the lead of Pirate Pete, badass pirate of the briny blue, I’d cast the 56 y/o Steven Seagal. Why? Cause I KNOW he could still kick Johnny Depp’s scrawny pirate wannabe butt. Besides, did you see Under Seige? Who else could be a Navy Seal and the ship’s cook?

For The Ficlet Killer, I’d go with Edward Norton (Fight Club, Italian Job, Red Dragon). His maniacal looks & previous films make him a nice harbinger of ficlet death.

The role of Sam, retired fighter pilot in Saving Sam, goes to James Caviezel (Frequeny, Count of Monte Cristo). His brother, Terry? How about Chris O’Donnel? Then it would kinda be like Scent of a Woman with aliens.. : )

For the tough Wyoming, piss water drinking cowboy in Bandit of the Badlands, none other than Sam Elliott – quintessential American cowboy…

How about the lead of Lazaro in Eight Dollars in Cuba? I’d go with a brooding Adrian Grenier (Entourage). His wife? I’d have to go with Cuban born model & actress Everlayn Borges (Miami Vice movie).