Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
I’ve been to Earth.
I know where it is.
And I’m gonna take us there.
Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars is:
A) A lazy wanna-be writer.
B) A video editor.
C) The exiled God-Emperor of the planet Mars.
D) Horny for Daleks.
E) All of the above.
Stories (145)
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Stella Starr and The City of the Super-Apes: Monkey Trouble
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published March 25th, 2007
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Stella Starr and the Road to Gangster's Paradise: Crashers at the Cotton Club
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published March 25th, 2007
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Stella Starr and the Road to Gangster's Paradise: Frankenstein's Mobster
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published March 25th, 2007
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Stella Starr and the Road to Gangster's Paradise: The Wrath of the Undead Don
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published March 25th, 2007
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I will take over the world, I will take over the world...
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published April 26th, 2007
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Breaking Up is Hard (Though Rocket Launchers Make it Significantly Easier)
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published June 2nd, 2007
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Meanwhile: Even Superjudges Get the Blues
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published June 4th, 2007
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The Superjudge! Meets the Smart-Arse Hairless Primate who Shagged His Wife
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published June 20th, 2007
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Simon's First Exorcism Part II: Red, Red Knives
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published June 28th, 2007
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Simon's First Exorcism Part III: If It Knows Your Name, Run
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published June 28th, 2007
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Happy Canada Day!: Headed to the Windsor Ballet
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published July 1st, 2007
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The Panda Paradox: Only Good For One Thing
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published July 26th, 2007
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"…the strange creature called WITCHBOY!"
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published August 3rd, 2007
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Pulp Future: The Legacy of Stella Starr
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published August 19th, 2007
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When Keepin' It Real Goes Wrong: You gon' let that Bigfoot talk to you like that?
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published August 21st, 2007
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Molly, Robin Hood of Mars Episode III: On The Verge
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published August 30th, 2007
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Molly, Robin Hood of Mars Episode II: Supercruel
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published September 4th, 2007
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Molly, Robin Hood of Mars Episode I: Slut Machine
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published September 4th, 2007
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Molly, Robin Hood of Mars Episode IV: Unbroken
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published September 10th, 2007
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Molly, Robin Hood of Mars Episode V: Radiation Day (Part 1)
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published September 11th, 2007
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Crossing Ficlets #10: The Thieves Of Time Chapter 20 - The Butler Did It!
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published September 17th, 2007
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Molly, Robin Hood of Mars Episode V: Radiation Day (Part 2)
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published September 19th, 2007
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Bush League, Old School and The Succubus
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published September 27th, 2007
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Hunger in it’s Most Mortal of Definitions
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published October 1st, 2007
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A New Sensation: The Unnecessary Prologue
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published October 5th, 2007
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She Always Knows Just the Right Things to Say
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published October 14th, 2007
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Announcing: The Ficlets Casting Couch Challenge!
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published October 19th, 2007
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Stella Starr - The Movie {Casting Couch Challenge}
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published October 19th, 2007
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Stella Starr and The Dead Man's Hand: Just a Girl {Gumshoe Challenge}
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published October 26th, 2007
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Stella Starr and the Road to Gangster's Paradise: This Is What You Ask For, This Is What You Get
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published October 26th, 2007
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Stella Starr and the Road to Gangster's Paradise: The Chinese Squeeze
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published October 26th, 2007
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Stella Starr and the Road to Gangster's Paradise: Right in The Fruit Basket
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published October 27th, 2007
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Conversations in a Public Restroom
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published October 27th, 2007
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Meanwhile, At an Undisclosed Location… (Pt. 1)
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published November 4th, 2007
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Meanwhile, At an Undisclosed Location… (Pt. 2)
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published November 4th, 2007
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Alec's Very Bad Night Just Got Worse (Pt. 1)
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published November 5th, 2007
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Alec's Very Bad Night Just Got Worse (Pt. 2)
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published November 5th, 2007
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Maximizing Your Personal Growth Potential Through Unconventional Means
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published November 9th, 2007
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Seriously, There Is A Plan, Right?
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published November 14th, 2007
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Everyone’s Got a Plan Until They Get Hit
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published November 15th, 2007
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Alec's Night Goes From Bad to Great to Not So Good
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published November 15th, 2007
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Simon, Dead Girl and the Ghetto-Rigged Altar of Doom
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published November 18th, 2007
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Instant Love Affair: Just Add Water [Part 1]
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published November 20th, 2007
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Instant Love Affair: Just Add Water [Part 2]
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published November 20th, 2007
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Why Do You Think They Call Him The Adversary?
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published December 6th, 2007
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The King of Mars Dead End Challenge
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published December 14th, 2007
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ScapeGoat [Worst Ficlet Challenge]
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published December 16th, 2007
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An Open Letter to My Fellow Ficleteers Regarding My Story "ScapeGoat" — Part 1
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published December 17th, 2007
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An Open Letter to My Fellow Ficleteers Regarding My Story "ScapeGoat" — Part 2
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published December 17th, 2007
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5 Women I'd Like to Pork: It's a Coffee-Table Book (Historical Edition)
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published December 21st, 2007
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…After. (Minimum Length Challenge)
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published December 24th, 2007
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Loving the Dead (minimum length challenge)
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published December 24th, 2007
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Christmas Dinner in the American Colonies (minimum length challenge)
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published December 25th, 2007
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The Perfect End to a Perfect Evening (minimum length challenge)
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published December 25th, 2007
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A Long Stream of Continuation (9)
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published January 11th, 2008
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You've Got the Awesome Quiz…I've Got the Awesome Answers
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published January 22nd, 2008
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King of Mars' Answers to Nouvelle Bardot's Random Act of QUIZNESS
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published January 22nd, 2008
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Terrible Fanfiction Generator: "A Knight Rider in King Arthur's Court"
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published January 24th, 2008
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Dear Mom and Dad, [six word challenge]
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published February 10th, 2008
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No, That Can't Be Right (or, Tuesday Night TV Observations) [six word challenge]
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published February 12th, 2008
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Nonconformist Conformity (or, Do You Like My New Tattoo?) [six word challenge]
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published February 12th, 2008
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Ozymandias Retold, or That Awesome Thing in The Desert
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published March 10th, 2008
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Wings Like Fire, Voices Like Thunder
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published April 2nd, 2008
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The Signal (Scavenger Hunt Challenge)
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published June 26th, 2008
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The Man Out of Time Meets The Girl From Everywhere
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published July 15th, 2008
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Good Girls Go to Heaven, Jenny Goes Everywhere
Author: Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Published July 15th, 2008