“I’m buying it,” Zooey said, grinning like a lunatic. “In fact, I’m buying an entire friggin’ case. Try and stop me.”

Fritz rolled his eyes and walked away as Zooey shoveled an armload of the Panda® Brand Condensed Milk into her shopping cart. A young man walked up, taking a can from Zooey’s basket and examining the label.

“You know,” the young man started, “This guy I know went to China and he said that at the Beijing zoo, if you give the zoo-keeper, like, a hundred bucks, he’ll let you hold a baby panda and take a picture with it.”

“That’s pretty neat,” Zooey answered. She brushed a stray hair behind her ear, wondering if the panda talk was some sort of awkward prelude to a pick-up line. Well, she thought, he is kind of cute…

“And, like, for a grand,” the young man continued, “if you come back after-hours, the zoo-keeper will let you punch the panda in the face. At least thats what this guy I know says.”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Zooey asked. Disgusted she pushed her cart down the aisle.