Lair of the Morbidly-Obese-Man Eater

“Oh, no, monstrous humanoid, don’t eat me! I’m all tough and lean!”

“If I had a penny for every time I heard that…well, then, human, can you pinch an inch?”

“Oh, er…of course not!”

“Show me.”

“Um….well, alright, then.”

“Oh, good heavens, no! Nevermind, nevermind, put your shirt back on. You’re not lean, man, you’re morbidly obese! You could pinch a foot!”

“No! No, please! It’s not all fat!”

“Ohh….fat, just the word makes me tingle all over with pure apprehension. Moist, succulent humans marbled with fat…that’s why I appreciate McDonald’s, you see.”

“Well…okay, so I’m fat. But I have a wife and two kids!”

“Oh, two, why is it always two children, eh? I’ve actually found that most people to come into my cave are unmarried. Are you lying to me, little human?”

“Oh, no, sir! Really, I do have a family that would grieve for me.”

”...Are they fat, too?”

“(Oh, crap) Of course not! They’re as lean as my dog!”

“Oh, a dog, you say…”

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