And Robin said, “The reason I don’t love you is because you’re an AOL lamer. I could never love a boy who types in all caps.”

Her words hit me like 72-point font. “Boy? She called me a boy?” I thought to myself.

As if reading my mind, she said “Yes, a boy. I only date real men. Men who use proper punctuation and capitalization. Nothing turns me on more than adherence to the rules of the English language. A man who has no regard for the value of language can hardly be called a man.”

Now I was starting to get mad, my feelings of rejection falling to the wayside. I tried to interrupt but she continued, “How much could you have really valued our relationship if you wouldn’t even turn off caps lock for me? Do I mean that little to you?”

With a disgusted look, she turned to leave me there angry and crying, but not before saying “You’re blocked from my heart with a warning level of 100%”