“So, Mr. H, I was going to let the kids cut out Christmas trees and such for the classroom decorations. That’s all right, isn’t it?”

“Miss Smith, I’m sorry, but what kind of message would it send if there were Christmas trees hanging in my school?”

“Well, perhaps that the students enjoy the holiday festivities?”

“No! What about the Jewish children; the children who celebrate Kwanzaa? Last year I got nine calls from parents about those things! Do you know how much of my valuable time that takes up?”

“Hmm – how about snowflakes?”

“Snowflakes? One of these days winter will turn into a secular holiday, you know, and I can’t be being sued! People complain about everything these days.”

“I suppose you’re right. But then, for our first-grade musical performance, I’m assuming we can still sing Jingle Bells? Would you condone that?”

“Jingle Bells? Jingle Bells! Can’t you just sing, ‘The Itsy Bitsy Spider’ or something nice? Something no one’ll complain about?”

“What about the arachnophobic students, sir?”