Great start to an adventure love the magic of the mystical allure of the players in the story.

Nice creativity, though it felt a bit stiff and bare, perhaps lacking in either description or something. Wish I could be of more help.

So glad to read another story from you. Guess I’m a bit prejudiced but I love it! Keep writing!

I like it, too. I tried to talk him into more decribing words, more than just actions. He said that would messup the “flow.” Call me predjudiced and pushy. ;)

Read the one the beginning on my mother’s written ficlets (stories) then you shall know why I wrote this.

Oh I forgot her ficlet person is Jenunique.

it seemed to jump around a bit, but i liked the overall perspective [if tht’s the word to use]
=D

starts to cry I’m only 11continues to cry

Don’t cry. That was very good for only being 11. My brother ((who’s also 11)) couldn’t write like this if he wanted to. least not to my knowledge.. anyways this was a good begining, keep writing.

Thanks band baby 4 life.

I think we have another Stovohobo on our hands. (Yes, that is very high praise.)

Huh? Whats a Stovohobo Amaster?

Stovohobo is another ficleteer, Jenson…a rather amazing one at that. So that’s quite the compliment.
~
And this is really good for being 11! Great job!

I like squiggles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_{~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~}~~

awesome adventure, love the naration and action.
very stovohobo esque.. high compliment indeed.