I’m liking some of the emotion I did get through in this piece. The only problem I had was with the reading of it itself. Spelling and punctuation seem to drag it down a little (I know I sound like an English teacher, but this is a writing website) and it would’ve been a lot easier to read had those things been adjusted. Hope that wasn’t too harsh, but I really do like the direction this is going. The descriptions and such are good.

I feel sorry for them, it’s like they’ve been abandoned.