What do Bram Stoker and Charles Darwin Have in Common?

“Back! Back, I say, you devilish demon!”

“Well, that’s a little demeaning. Not to mention redundant.”

“Begone, foul creature of the night!”

“Oh, jeez—look, it’s noon. What stupid Buffy episode did you watch to get that stereotype? Or wait…it was Stoker who did it, eh? He’s been ruining all the rest of my buddies’ lives.”


“Yeah, ‘er’. What, you think vampire’s can’t talk? Oh, wait, nevermind. We do, of course, but all we can say is ‘I vant to zuck your bloood’? Is that it?”

“Well, it’s just that, you see…”

“No, I don’t see. It’s daytime. My eyes are only adapted to night.”


“It’s called ‘sarcasm’.”


“So…garlic and a crucifix, huh?”

“Well…yeah. Bram Stoker said they would work.”

“And there’s your problem! Stoker, Stoker, Stoker! I mean, a crucifix as a deterrent? I, myself, am a strong Christian. In fact, the only person I dislike more than Stoker is Darwin.”

”...And the garlic?”

”...And your point?”

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