“But Janet, I don’t want to do this! I’m not physically eligible to do this!!”

“And why not Chris? I am your boss, and if you want anything in your kids’ stockings this year, I suggest you go out there, and you ‘Ho Ho Ho’ like your job depended on it!!”

“But doesn’t i-”

“YES, CHRIS , IF YOU DON ’T DO THIS , YOUR FIRED , NOW GO.”

“Janet, you don’t understand..”

“Chris, what can I possibly not understand about going out there in a suit and bringing the kids of our little town joy, so they’ll have a happy Christmas?”

“Well, Janet, the thing is.. I’ve dated alot of the women out there with their children..”

“Yes..?!”

“And you have no idea the kinds of things that those women would be telling their children to do to me. Janet, I’m up there in tights.”

“Oh gaush, Chris, I’m sorry..”

“J-Janet, what are you doing…”

“If you won’t go out there in a disguise and make the kids happy, I’m going to push you out there in the flesh and make a lot of women very happy.”