“Ugh, that is disguisting. Why do you have mortal food on the table in your entryway? It would be much more fitting to have a couple of voluptuous blondes, or plump, juicy babies.”

“I’ve found that the fuller, more comfortable, willing mortals taste better, the apples help me appear trustworty. Besides, I keep fresh food in the comfortable suites in the north wing. I have babies in a room in the back.”

“In a play room with stuffed animals and toy trains no doubt.”

“Well, yes as a matter of fact I do. Anger and sorrow are so bitter! I prefer to draw them in surruptitiously, or breed them here.”

“And how, pray tell, do you do that? You just ooze vampire. How could they miss it?”

“Oh, easy. I am careful to appear androgynous, turns out it’s attractive to both mortal sexes. I invite the most beautiful ones for the night. Occasionally we have an orgy, some of them mate successfully. Thats how I get babies.”

“And all this relies on a bowl of fruit in the entryway?”

“Correct.”