Coffee is Evil (The Stovohobo Inspirer)

James’s large frightened eyes traveled slowly around the room. The creatures, some sitting on chairs, others reclining on a sofa, were all watching him intently. It certainly looked like a coffee shop on the outside…

“Ya comin’ in or ya gonna stand there all googly-eyed?” said the tentacled waitress.

Googly-eyed? I’M googly-eyed? What the hell is that in the corner?

The creatures had turned back to their coffees and newspapers and the room filled with the quiet buzz of conversation. As James was herded to an empty booth by the gum-smacking… octopus-looking? waitress he could hear snatches of unearthly groans and weird grunts. He sat down in the booth and decided his best course of action was to just order some coffee and get it to go.

“What’ll it be then kiddo?”

“C-coffee. Just coffee please. In a to-go cup.”

The waitress laughed. It sounded more like a high-pitched squeal. It unnerved him.

“Oh honey,” She grinned as she caressed his cheek with a slimy tentacle. “You ain’t gettin’ outta here.”

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