Dearest HoboBeardBob,

I recently learned that you suffer from an incurable and rare form of swollen hemorrhoids. I am so sorry for you and your long commute to your job at the chicken plant. I know it must be hard for you to sit all day and pull the skins off of chickens.

I hope this doesn’t dampen your spirits or cause you to lose another job.

By the way, I have a cream you could use, but I don’t know if it would help at all. Oh, I almost forgot. I found a hemorrhoid donut at a yard sale last Saturday. I’ll go back this weekend, and if they still have it, I’ll get if for you. I don’t think it has been used much because it was in such good shape.

LYLAS ,
Stylorouge