Dear stylorouge,

I was both shocked and fascinated to learn that you suffer from Chronic Masturbation. At first, I thought you were suffering from Parkinson’s Disease because of the way your hands shake in your pockets so often.

I often wonder how this affects your job as Knife Sharpener at Mountain Top Flea Market. I also wonder how it is possible to gratify ones self with two hook hands. I guess there are ways…

Between your Chronic Masturbation, your hook hands, and your mother starring in clown porn, I would say you are the poster boy for perseverance. I admire your strength.

Roll Tide,

Hobo Beard Bob