God I’m gorgeoussss ; that’s just all i can think about nower days. When i was younger I was fat, I had an uneven tan, my skin looked too tight (but i NEVER had cosmetic surgery I swear)...I was just all wrong. The most unbeautiful thing around: discusing, straight up-and-down, too slow with fashion, too muscely, you name it (long as it’s ugly) that was me.

Things couldn’t be better now! My wife died in child birth, god bless her, and these young girls can’t get enough of me. My hair has the most natural white blonde streaks…well maybe they’re grey but thats what i tell people. I have the most curvatious figure, fit and healthy. I swear god moulded my wrinkles because they are just so damn perfect! People help me across the street, I’m sure it’s because they know that I’m too precious to be hit by a car. My doctor is always taking pictures of me…he even thinks my bones are gorgous.

It’s hard sometimes, being so beautiful – but it’s all part of the charm of being your great grandpa.