How to apologize to your husband for burning dinner
The oven broke. Oops. Here’s dinner.

How to embarrass your sister in front of her boyfriend
This isn’t my wig! It’s yours!

How to freak out your friends (and enemies)
I really have to pee. Hug?

What to say when you walk in on your roommate (ahem)
Door was open. Didn’t see anything!

How to get that NASCAR fanatic to notice you
I love the smell of gasoline.

What to write on the condolence card to your neighbor
My dog ate your cat. Sorry.