I was border line. When I sat and think, think, think, and more thinking…and all the while my tears wouldn’t stop falling…running down my face….down to soaked my blouse….my skirt…..my skins and my chest hurts . It felt as if a bowling ball size bullet had hit me and got stucked in my chest. I want it out! I screamed soo loud to the ceiling in my bedroom corner where I sprawled, sunked to the floor. All the lights were dead. Everything are dead! a voice kept screaming at the back of my head. How could She!!?? How could He!!!? How could they die on me???? Oh…dear God!!!

I want to feel good again. Twelve months of being in the dark and gloom and auto-pilot living is like being in the tunnel….nowhere to go but either back or forward. I choose the later.