“What do you think is the stupidest thing that a person with a Hoover can say?”

Mark thought for a moment. ”’Ow, my penis, my penis’?”

“That is rather stupid,” conceded Seb, “But not what I had in mind.”

“Which is…?”

“Okay, you’re in your flat, and your roommate decides to do a spot of tidying up. Out comes the Hoover, vwooooooooo around the room, and when you get up and leave your flatmate says, ‘Oh, I’ve just done that bit! I’m going to have to do it again now!’

“Why, exactly?” Seb went on, “Just why do they need to do it again? You’re probably only wearing socks…”

Mark broke into a wry smile. “Only socks?”

“Stay focused.”

“Sorry.”

“Anyway, the worst that’s going to happen is you’re going to get minute bits of sock on the carpet. Bits no one can see. So why, dear God why, do people say it? And everyone says it! If you’ve ever used a Hoover, you’ve said it. Guaranteed.”

“Is this your way of encouraging me to do more work around the flat?” asked Mark. ”’Cos it’s not working.”