When I woke up the next morning, I really had to do a “number 2.” I guessed that my dinner wanted out. Little did I know how right I was.

It happened as I was on the toilet, beginning to relieve myself. Instead of the “plop” I was expecting to hear, I heard a voice coming from the toilet. “Excuse me, but could you move over to the bathtub? There’s not enough room for me in here.”

I looked down between my legs, and there was…the face of Cindy Lou, my waitress from the night before. I rubbed my eyes. “What the hell?“

“If you’ll just move over to the tub and let me out , I’ll explain,” Cindy Lou said cheerfully.

So I waddled over to the tub as best I could with a woman’s head hanging out of my butt. I sat on the edge and tried to relax my muscles again. It wasn’t easy.

Cindy Lou squirmed out of my butt, pushing herself out once she’d gotten her hands free. A few moments later, I was staring at the naked, feces-smeared woman in my bathtub. All I could think to say was, “This had better be good.”