Jesus: Oh.. You mean ‘giving me insight into your natures so I don’t mess up’? Funny you should say that. I thought that was what he was doing last time. Course… he left out the whole crucifixion part until I was up on the cross… Boy.. that was a surprise.. I figured a little stoning, maybe the water treatment to prove I wasn’t a witch, but crucifixion?

Connie Chung: You sound like you are still upset by it after two thousand years.

Jesus: No.. I am over it now. Promise.. So, this time I get to do things my way.

Connie Chung: Is that the explanation for the white clouds and the angels singing and the descent we saw over W 57th St. earlier this morning?

Jesus: Yeah.. and the gays protesting my return on W. 58th was quite funny!! Course the zealous adulations from the Fundamentalist Christians on W. 56th was rather scary. Personally, I think I would side with the gays. They were easier to talk with. The Christians kept fainting and asking me to ‘rapture’ them..