Ficlets

Jesus' expose on Heaven

Jesus: First off, don’t kill me. We have already seen that my father would let it happen. I am not sure I would try and help you again if I had to resurrect a second time. So… let’s not go that route. I am going to tell some of you some things you aren’t going to like. I am going to uphold some things others of you want to hear. But don’t kill me! I think I will make that punishable by.. um… let’s say 4 billion years in Hades.

Connie Chung: That seemed kind of arbitrary.

Jesus: No, not really. Moving on.. Secondly, I have decided to drop that whole ‘get to heaven’ thing by being good and just encourage people to do what they want here.

Connie Chung: What? Why?

Jesus: It didn’t seem to be working all that well the other way. People abstain from doing wrong their whole lives then mess up two hours before death and spend eternity in hell cursing me out. I figure none of you are going to make it, so just enjoy what brief joy you can find now.

View this story's 1 comments.