“See here, doctor,” the general said. “This is an example of the phenomena I was talking about.”

I looked carefully at the objects in question. They were covered by some sort of film or glaze, unlike anything I had ever seen before. It was quite fascinating, but I was utterly baffled.

“General,” I said, turning to him. “It’s interesting, to be sure, but I’m confused as to why you require my help.”

“Well, I thought this was your area of speciality. These glossy coatings are the result of alien contact, and I understand you’re an expert in studying xenoglossy.”

I stared at him for a moment, tried very hard not to laugh, and ultimately failed. “General, xenoglossy, while related in that both are considered paranormal phenomena, refers to knowledge of a language that could not have been acquired by normal means. What you might need, I guess, is a xenologist.”

“Why in God’s name,” the general replied, “would I want to talk to someone who studies Xena – Warrior Princess?”

I laughed so hard, my stomach hurt.