I like it! It’s very sentimental! Just take out the word counts at the end of each line (even though it’s there for the challenge) and let the story stand on its own.
Agree with above sentiments. The word count at the end of each sentence is distracting. There’s a rhythm here that almost reads like poetry and gives this piece a very emotional feel.
thanks guys! i think ill take your suggestions. i should have checked up on this a long time ago but now that i have i’ll make the changes. thnx so much for the help!
Aditi Broota
BARomero
Mistress Elsha Hawk
A. Muse Morrington
Stovohobo
Aditi Broota