Howdy folks! My name is Stanley Schmidt, and I’m here today to show you my deluxe Dixie Chopper riding lawn mower. I have a Ph.D. in Social Anthropology from Harvard University, but things went kinda downhill once I got my 15th DUI . I can’t drive no more, but that don’t matter. I get around on my Dixie Chopper!

Did you know the Dixie Chopper is the only riding lawn mower powered under 100 horse power to use the Quad Loop System? Did you know that the Dixie Chopper is the ultimate lawn machine, the fastest mower on the market and that it gets great gas mileage?

Hell, with the cost of gas these days, I just can’t figure out why every American family doesn’t own two or three of ‘em? It’s a no-brainer if you ask me. Hop on one of these and ride it to work. Hook up the cart attachment & take your whole family to the annual church picnic. If you’re a teenager, you can go cruisin’ in it to pick up some hotties! The possibilities are endless, guys!

Mabel! Hey, Mabel! You seen my beer? Damn it, where’s my beer?!