We bought the car because it went fast. Really really fast. When you want to go that fast, you don’t really have any choice but to buy the fastest car you can find, and that’s exactly what we did.

It was even faster than we thought it would be.

Jonny sat in the driver’s seat. I sat in the passenger’s seat. Nicole and Harold and Yvette sat in the back seat with their knees squished against their chests. Jonny hit the gas and never let go.

A couple years ago I went to Europe and rode the train through Switzerland. I thought that was pretty fast. But it was like walking through peanut butter compared to this car. Creamy peanut butter, mixed with Elmer’s glue.

Telephone poles came and went so fast they looked like a fence. Speed bumps were ramps. Curves in the road hit like a punch in the mouth. It was the greatest thing ever.

We finally climbed out, bloody and mangled and smiling from ear to ear. It was 4:57, high five! We wouldn’t have to miss the end of senior discount hour at Golden Corral after all.