As Bernard pulls away from me, I make sure to have a smile on my lips. I look into his eyes and see that somethings not right. Did he feel my confusion, my unsureness.. the doubt I feel in my hug? From the look on his face and in his eyes he did.

Bernard walks to his truck slowly and I can tell he is deep in thought. As he turns to look at me one last time before he leaves, I think I see a tear run down his face. I stand shell-shocked.

Once Bernard is out of sight, I crumble. I slumped to the floor, completly missing the bench, and just cry. I cry long and hard about what I have, what I want, what I’ve done.. There are so many different thoughts flying threw my head, I just can’t take it.

My parents find me in the same position on the porch some hours later. My face is tear-streaked and my mouth is dry. My parents ask me if everything is okay, why I’m on the porch, the usual worried parent questions. I give them one word answers and go to my room.

I knew what I had to do, I just didn’t know how.