A denial stage … is my raw emotions. I know , at the back of my head, something I didn’t want to happen…..just happened. And I can’t remember just yet what I just did…..but I am missing something important that was part of my daily rituals…Him! Oh, dear God…....what have I done? I MISS HIM ! I LOVE HIM ! I NEED SOMETHING ! I NEED TO FORGET HIM ! DO SOMETHING ! AHHHH! I WANT HIM BACK ! WHAT DO I DO NOW ?

My back brain have been screaming for days now…..and I couldn’t stay away from my comp….play….like the games of “hunting for red october” as he used to put it. Ha! I doubt if I ever find him again. When I ran people off…..they don’t just run…..they take a flying leap away from me. yep, I am stupid. Someday, when God from heaven is dead…...then I will definitely kill my self over this stupidity.