Well, that was certainly an unexpected twist! You did a great job setting up the tranquil park scene and in doing so built up the scene so that I was left expecting an interaction consisting of “boy meets girl” and “boy asks girl out.” Nice job not ending with such a cliche, but taking the reader falsely in that direction. Makes the payoff that much better. I also liked the way the narrator is developed. The reader is led to believe this person is a kind and caring soul. Just goes to show, you never know.

Yeah, I have to agree that last part was a slap upside the head… didn’t see it coming. Very nice work.

What an unexpected ending to this! It has a lulling, almost soothing quality to it at the beginning that is turned upside down very, very quickly. Awesome job. It works well as a standalone, but I’ll mosey on over to the sequel to see if it did it justice.

That was one way it could have gone. Nice twist!

Ooh, I like that. Great way to set it up, all quiet and normal-like – but nobody likes normal!

Great! Completely unexpected. Loved it.

I love the tranquil, serene setup giving way so abruptly to violence. Very nicely done.

Whoa, I never saw that coming.

that was scary