A great metaphor for the city and a neat discussion of odds to set up your story. The ending felt a bit weak though, a bit too much like the voice over at the beginning of a sitcom pilot. Might have worked better to just let the story play out and reveal his backstory and life mission as you went along.

This metaphor makes perfect sense. Just one tiny mistake that made the second last paragraph hard to read: “Just imagine the odds of one the billionaire…” should probably be “Just imagine the odds of the billionaire…” without the one. Very sequelable.
LoA

thanks for catching that!

i agree with the commentary. the backstory is an important part of what i had in my head, but it does sound forced here….

Very interesting and compelling, and like PyroPunk and THX , I’m loving the metaphor. Great job.

Love the metaphor, but I got a bit confused at the end.

thanks guys. i agree the end is confusing. i think i was rushing to get something in to the ficlet.

i may write a sequel to this myself today.