I am going to kill myself!

This is not something new, no, the feeling has been with me for a long time, but it’s so strong now. I will make it clean, none of that messy, bloody crap that comes with shooting yourself in the mouth while it’s filled with water. Cutting my wrists does not appeal to me either. I’m afraid I’ll do it wrong and then I’ll have to stay in that smelly hospital to have my arms stitched together. Hanging myself from the ceiling? How do I do that in our small apartment? No, I’m going to drown myself!

While the sterile bathtub fills with water, I lock the door. I make sure the water’s nice and warm. If I go I want to go comfortably. I slowly slide in, breathe out, head under water, inhale. COUGH My head shoots up, BONK it on the faucet.

FUCK -SHIT-HELL-DAMNIT

I start seeing rainbows, stars, then it goes dark. weird how it does this from the inside out I sink back into the bathwater, my mouth open. this is it i’m going to die are my last thoughts before warm hope rushes in.