ooh, nice. i wonder what’s beyond the gate?? hmmm?? this just begs sequel me pwease!

A mishmash of voices. You start off in first person, then switch to third person, then back to first. Confusing for the reader. A strong story, but needs work.

Yep, Wyatt’s right, but that’s a minor fix to a promising start with an intriguing situation plus some interpersonal issues being hinted at.

i have to agree with Wyatt, it was fairly confusing switching between first and third person. i think the third person worked well in this, i personally think you should stick with that.
but other than that, i really like the plot here.
=]