Hello.
My name is Cassidy.
And I am a 400 year old genie.

Your first question is probably why am I still alive? I’m alive ‘cause genies live forever. At least until they’re killed. Or set free. Ya see, humans may think they’re doing us a favor when they act all self-virtuous and use their last wish to free us, but actually, when we’re parted from our homes permanently, we die. Evaporate. Dissipate. We’re vamoose. And we never even get a chance to tell them what they did. Or to cuss profusely at them.

Next question: Where do I live? Contrary to poplular belief, not all genies live in little golden lamps. Actually, I’ve only met one genie who lived in a golden lamp, and he lived in Greenland. He died a couple years ago (about 25) after having his lamp crushed by a glacier. But he wasn’t very nice, so no big deal.